Thankful!

For the first couple of months after Chloe was born, we had a pretty rough time of it. Starting at a few week old, Chloe would stay up at night and cry. Most of the time I didn't go to sleep until 2 am. I would just stay up and rock her. There was one time she and I didn't go to sleep until 5 am. Couple that with the fact that Aaron just doesn't like to take naps and I was completely exhausted. The sleep deprivation, along with adjusting to two kids under two (actually under 14 months!) made for a very tired mama....not to mention the emotional draw of not being able to soothe your crying baby! At the time, Aaron was still nursing to go to sleep, so more than once (ok, nearly every night...) Chloe would be crying on one side of me in the bed and Aaron would be fussing on the other side and I'd just lay in the middle and cry. This is NOT how I pictured tandem nursing! I always liked the idea of cuddling up with the kids in bed...but that's just different when you're a few weeks postpartum and you've got a toddler in between you and hubby and you can't get the baby to sleep so you have to get up and rock her but you have to nurse the older one to sleep first...and hubby feels frustrated and helpless because he wants to help but he can't. Life just isn't always how we picture it! Don't get me wrong...I love my life and I finally worked the kinks out (well, some of them...) but it's doggone hard sometimes! 

I really said all that to say...it passes. Chloe now sleeps very well. Last night she slept from about 10 to 7:30 without waking up once. It probably helps that she REALLY likes her thumb now. Every night I'd be rocking her and I'd be crying half the time because I couldn't figure out how to make her happy (sleep deprivation makes you crazy) and I just wanted to be curled up next to my husband sleeping...but even if I was in bed with him I wouldn't be next to him because I couldn't figure out how to get Aaron to sleep alone (still working on that one)...but then I'd try to think about it in the grand scheme of things. I have two healthy babies. I know people who would give ANYTHING to be up at 2am rocking a crying baby. And then I felt horrible for even being frustrated at all. 

We got throught that, but every season of life has struggles, I'm coming to find. Right now, Jacob is gone about 60 hours a week working. That's a lot of time apart. Like I said earlier, I still have trouble getting Aaron to sleep on his own and there are many times I get so frustrated. But then, he's not going to be this little forever and one day he'd rather die than curl up next to me and scoot even closer in his sleep. Every morning I wake up at 5am with Chloe right up next to me on one side, and Aaron right up next to my other side. I ease out of bed so I don't wake anybody up and Jacob and I cuddle on the couch with a cup of coffee before he leaves. Jacob leaves at 5:30 and most of the time the kids don't get up until at least 9, so I have a large block of time to myself in the mornings. 

My dad asked me a couple weeks ago how hard it was, having two this close together. Actually, I've got this. It's not really that hard for me at all. I think it will be harder once Chloe gets a little bigger. She's really a great baby, very happy most of the time.  She sure loves Aaron...she just watches him and laughs. Aaron kisses her all the time and tries to share his toys with her. He doesn't really understand why she doesn't want them! I can shop with both of them easily...thanks to the Ergo carrier. That's a real life saver! So I don't have any trouble having two so little. My biggest stuggle right now is wanting more time with Jacob! But this is only temporary... 

Btw, any tips for getting a 17 month old to sleep alone? I cut out the nursing completely now but the kid just will not sleep! We rock him and lay him down in his crib and he pops right back up. I can stand there until he goes to sleep and when I tiptoe out, he can hear the tiniest creak in the floor. I played music for him to cover the creaks and that helped for about a week. I guess creaks sound different than Mozart! The only way we can ever get him to sleep in his crib for even a little while is to get him to sleep in our bed and then wait until he's REALLY good and asleep and then try to move him carefully to his crib. Even then he only sleeps til 1 or 2 and the we have to put him in our bed to get him back to sleep. These days he's been staying in our bed because we all fall asleep soon after he does and Jacob doesn't want to have to wake up to get him in the middle of the night. We tried letting him cry and he will cry for as long as we leave him in there. It's horrible! 

So, this was all totally random wasn't it? My thumbs are worn out now...lol! Finish up with a picture...  We really need a family picture taken!